__________ THIS: APRIL 2016

via GIPHY
         

       Geez, spring has come along already, I turned 20 last week and things are getting crazy. 2016 has been a whirlwind of new opportunities, emotions, epiphanies, intrigues, insight and mystery and duuddde it's like already April! Like, what the fuck time? Slow down, yes? No... oh okay, I guess. Since time stops for no bitch I figured I'd compile a second __________ THIS list. Here goes nothing babes:

LISTEN TO THIS:

     Ladies and Gents and those who choose to refrain from the binary, as you know we will take submissions from any one of you and this month, my wonderful sista from another mista CASSANDRA TORRES has blessed us with her superb taste in music and compiled a playlist for you all, thanks babe. Listen, Dance, Sing, Enjoy:

READ THIS:

1.

2.

3.

WATCH THIS:

1. Iris (Documentary/Directed by Albert Maysles/Starring Iris Apfel)

2. Cake (Drama/Directed by Daniel Barnz/Starring Jennifer Anniston)

3. Boys (Drama-LGBT Film/Directed by Mischa Kamp/Starring Gijs Blom)

DO THIS: 

1. Dance in Public

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    Whether or it be at a club, a concert or even somewhere not conducive to dancing, let the energy         flow through you and as Lady Gaga has put it, "Just dance."

2.  Get Tested
 

   
    If you are a sexually active human, it is your responsibility to get tested! It might sound scary but        it's totally not because knowledge is power babes! You can locate a free testing facility here or ask      your personal doctor to have blood work done for a general check-up. If you live here in El Paso
     you can visit the Tilman Center/ The M Factor at 222 S. Campbell St. They offer a variety of              services including free rapid HIV and Syphilis testing. For more information you can call:                    915-212-0242

3. Ask Someone about their Story

    Take time out of a day where you doing nothing and sit down with a relative, a friend or even total     strange and ask them about themselves. Their dreams, their passions, or even the things they have       overcome. You would be surprised just how much people will open up if you let them and if you         genuine interest. For once allow yourself to get to know someone else other than your self. I tell, it
    will be extremely worthwhile.

SAY THIS:

1. To yourself:

    "I am alive so today I will allow myself to actually live. I am beautiful/handsome/on fleek, I am imperfect and that's okay, I have fears, many of them but today I will let myself be fearless for a short while because I am not infinite and that is also okay. While I am here, I deserve to be happy, while I am here, I deserve some peace, While I am here, I deserve love and I know that the love for me has to start with me."

                              Say it, then do it and please, please, please, believe it.

2. To a Friend/Significant Other/Family Member:

      "There are so many people on this earth so the fact that I got to be a part of your life is highly significant. Thank you. I love you."

WEAR THIS-Some Spring Inspo:

FOLLOW THIS: 

1. @SheerStomping
 

    "Not your average lifestyle blog." Kaleidehscope Mag adores you darling. Picture property      
     of SheerStomping.

2. @SunEyedGirls
 

 
      "a platform to inspire women to let their individuality speak for itself. Be you, be unique and love        yourself." Seriously follow them.
       Picture property of: SunEyedGirls

3. @GlamBoyJay

    "fierce mind, brave spirit, kind heart..." Learn how to contour and couture with this instafeed!               Picture property of @GlamBoyJay.

xoxo Babes, 

Jacob

Heartbreak-dance Party: A Poem, A Post and A Playlist

Let’s start this shit with a sad poem that I wrote almost 2 weeks ago:

I am not your heart

I am not your breath

But your heart is what I breathe.

In and out and In and out,

I crave you,

You left me, a crushed purple

A bruised blue;

I work tirelessly to make you see me,

To make you breathe me;

In and out and in and out

I leave no trace,

Traces complicate, they activate, they resonate;

And your heart is bound

 To breathe someone else,

And I’m troubled,

I’m achy

I’m tired

I’m faking

I’m wired

I miss you,

And I’m hoping,

I’m wondering

Do you miss me too?

I knowwwwwww: CLICHE, but guess what:

               I wrote this poem at a time that I was sad and feeling horribly out of tune because heartache hit. Often, I find myself thinking that things could have gone a lot better, I could have been a lot better but the fact of the matter is, I did everything I could. I am not going to lie, at 19, I already find myself open to long lasting romantic experiences but like the weather that want changes and sometimes I think maybe I just need to have fun, so I do. I have come to realize that I know nothing of what I want but I know what I’m open to and I at least have an idea. Heartache, each time it comes, makes you learn and realize different shit. Here’s what I learned this time around:

1.      I don’t need to play games, I just need to follow my intuition.

I used to be a person that relied heavily on rules. I liked reading the love columns in magazines or reading and studying books such as He’s Just Not that Into You but to be quite honest, those rules have turned from everything to nothing real fast. I don’t need to wait a certain amount of time to text someone, I don’t care if it makes them think I’m interested in them and eager to talk to them especially if that’s the fucking truth. I don’t need to hear from them first, if I want to talk to someone, then I’m going to talk someone, chances are they’re just as eager to hear from me just like I am from them. It doesn’t matter if you’re a straight girl or the fem gay or the lipstick (STOP THE BINARY), god damn it, if you want to hear from them, do your part. Of course I am not saying that there is not no way he’s just not that into you, sometimes he really isn’t but the fact of the matter is you know yourself, you know your expectations and if that person is not buttering your bread, so to speak, then LET THEM GO. But you don’t need these games to establish whether or not this is the case, all you need is to listen to you. If they want to play games, let them, make your life simple.

2.      I don’t need to hear from him all the time.

I am perfectly fine being patient. I am young and hunty there are other boys that want to talk to me. Sure, I’d prefer to hear from him within a good amount of time that I texted him or that I last saw him but I don’t neeeeeedddd to hear from him all the damn time. There was a point where I felt the need to be clingy but to be quite honest, I don’t know that boy anymore. He ceases to exist. I have realized that people need space just as much as I do and that I have to respect when they do. I’ll wait and I’ll be fine, unless it’s been two weeks…. Bye Felicia.

3.      I LOVE talking on the Phone, it is way better than texting.

I had never had someone call me on the phone before this guy and let me tell you, now I know why it was all the rave when it was. Texting is okay but it is nothing like talking. When someone calls you, it makes everything feel much more real. Calling someone when you’re dating says: “I want to hear your voice,” and not in the creepy way either. It sparks things up and it’s just amazing, definitely I want to date guys who will call me.

4.      You can be friends if it ends up going meh, it’s kind of hard, but you can make it happen.

Being friends is definitely not the same as dating and friending someone you’ve dated is definitely not the same as just being friends but it can work. I won’t tell you it’s easy, because it’s not. You see, the thing with me is, when I care about someone, I care about them and there is no way of letting that go. Things will change though and you have to be ready for that. You won’t hear from them every day like you used to, you won’t get to kiss them or flirt with them… I mean you can but know that it will totally complicate things if you do and there still not wanting what you want. You’ll see there selfies or pictures and it’ll be hard because you know that they might be doing okay without you but you have to realize that you’ll be okay without them in the capacity that they once held in your life. You don’t have to be best friends hanging out the time, but you can be good friends and you can make it work, just breathe and let things happen as they are supposed to. Don’t be unfair to yourself either and be friends with them if all your expecting is for them to change their mind about what they want in the future, that day might not come, so be realistic. Care for them but without expectation.

5.      Heartache is Heartache and it will always SUCK so dance it out!

Listen to this playlist, the lyrics are sad but the tunes are rad so dance on and know my love that you will be just fine and there are other amazing guys/girls out there that will give you maybe not what you want, but what you need just like all the ones before. To the amazing guys I’ve had the opportunity of dating (If you’re reading this), thank you, we may not have made it but I can’t say it wasn’t worth it. Now Listen to your hearts content my pretties!

             

Muah Dah-lings!

-Jacob

Clara's Picks: Best LGBT Films

Heterosexual, binary gender-norm saturated cinema culture got you down? Here are six underrated, wonderful LGBTQ films you won’t hear over Blue is the Warmest Color and Brokeback Mountain (classics for a reason, but we’ve all been there and watched that)! 

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1996) 

Randy Dean, grease stained overall and dirty blonde hair, struggles to fit in her small town and pass high school. With her openly ‘alternative’, non-traditional family, love alludes her although she’s a romantic flirt. With only one gay, Latino friend, Randy is star struck meeting cute, rich, and popular Evie. Falling into a friendship, the film is blatant with high school shy glances, cautious flirting, holding hands, coming out to parents, and love. 

Patrik 1.5 (2008) 

[Swedish, but subtitled film]  

Raising a child is not the way Modern Family simplifies it. The opening scenes show Sven and Goran move into a suburban neighborhood, awkwardly coming out to all their neighbors. With interesting commentary on the stigmas against male-male partnerships adopting children, the film follows the couple as they decide to adopt. Finally allowed to adopt, they’re shocked to find the baby boy they adopted turn out to be a 15 year old, criminal, and homophobic boy. As their love relationship struggles, they learn about themselves, the culture they live in, and the boy that accidentally landed on their doorstep. 

The Way He Looks (2014) 

[Portuguese film, but translated or subtitles available]

Initially a short film, this film was recently extended in response to such a popular reception. The film follows Leonardo as he learns to become more independent from his parents and his best friend, Giovana. After new kid, Gabriel moves to town, he quickly joins their group, seemingly replacing Giovana as Leonardo’s best friend. Leonardo struggles to reassure and keep his friendship with Giovana while trying to understand his jealousy every time Gabriel spends with flirty Karina. 

I Love You, Phillip Morris (2009)

I love this film. I think it is the funniest, most romantic, twisted plot I have watched in gay cinema. Based on the true story of Steven Jay Russel, Steve is shown as an outcast from his family and mother. Adopted, he faces (humorous) rejection from his mother and looks incredibly bored while having sex with his wife. After a car accident, he decides to embrace his sexuality and comes out to everyone, leaving his family and job as a cop. After becoming a con artist and being arrested, he meets Phillip in jail. Enamored, he poses as a lawyer to get Phillip out and continues his con work in order to live lavishly in a love nest with Phillip. Although there is so much more to see, the ending (not a spoiler) shows that through thick and thin, Steven knows only one thing: He REALLY loves Phillip Morris. 

But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Gender-Norms! I say N, you say O, N-O, NO! But I’m a Cheerleader is a wonderful romantic comedy. Honestly it’s the film I relate to the most. The protagonist, Megan, with her football player boyfriend, cute blonde hair, cheerleader, beauty queen status, is shocked when her friends and family stage a Lesbian-intervention. How could she be…a lesbian? Sent to a gay reform camp, she meets Graham, bad girl embodiment that quickly sends her into a frenzy of sexual, *gasp* same sex attraction and antagonism. As they bond, Megan must decide between accepting social norms and being welcomed home or pursuing her attraction for Graham. 

Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 

This is NOT a film about a lesbian. Starring Hillary Swank, she plays Brandon, an anatomically born female who identifies as a boy. Dressed up like a cowboy, the film follows her attempts to find what it means to be a boy and people's refusal to accept her identity. Called words like “butch” and “dyke”, Brandon falls in love with a girl, Lana, in a small, Texas town. Be warned, this film is not light-hearted and is not intended to be so. There is blatant violence and rape scenes. Pushing the question of masculinity and the perpetuation of violence against people who defy the sexual norm and those who are raped, it is an unapologetic portrayal of the violence against transgender individuals. The film is based on the true, tragic story of Brandon Teena.

- Clara

Clara Acosta is a 20 year old on her way to a Froot state of mind. Grumpy most of the time, she's the sarcastic Debbie Downer of any group with an overtly sensitive set of feelings. Cradling Marina Diamandis and Florence Welch as the icons to worship, she's the friend well on her way to an existential crisis every Wednesday night.

Best Songs of 2015

2015 was a great year in music! I spent a lot of time on Spotify discover new songs, new artists. A lot of my faves released new music. And, mainstream songs crushed it!!

As to anything music related, I like to compile a playlist. Here are in my humble opinion the best songs of 2015.

The songs are in no particular order, however in order for them to be featured in this playlist they had to be released in 2015. Make sure to hit shuffle.

(I am more than willing to update it with suggestions with you guys, or if more songs get released. Here is looking at you Kanye. When are you going to release your new album? Did you collaborate with Paul McCartney for more songs?)

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Trying to Become a Totally Together Woman

My twentieth birthday happened today! (10/20) I am no longer a teenager and it is terrifying! I am unable to use the excuses of “teen angst” or “I’m a teen and I’m figuring it out” without getting weird looks from other fellow adults. 

Therefore, I compiled a list of twenty things I have yet to learn or accept into my life. I cannot stress how important it is for me to learn this soon for the sake of becoming a well-adjusted adult within society. (A.K.A. Becoming a Totally Together Girl Woman (TTW)) In addition, I think that the casual depiction of the rare flaws in my behavior, quirks, or attitude, are pretty universal. Perhaps even relatable. Hopefully, this list provides introspection and makes you realize what you need to do to get it together. 

Without further ado, I Need to Know How To…

1. Be More Confident

As much as I brag about being a boss bitch from hell that does not let anything crush her, I am not the most confident gal in the bunch. Being perfectly candid, there is a gender bias to my lack of confidence. Women are more likely to receive a negative connotation when they want something. Personally, it scares me being thought of as aggressive or annoying. However, nothing would get done if it weren’t for confident people. I need to learn how to embrace terms like aggressive and annoying if I plan to break through this patriarchal society. In addition, one day I plan on becoming someone that little girls aspire to become. I cannot imagine Justice Sandra Day O’Connor or Stevie Nicks being afraid of coming across as aggressive or annoying. So, why am I?

2. Network(/ Make Friends)

Networking is the most necessary evil. I, personally, see networking as using people to advance your career or your personal life. Feel free to disagree. However, I do not know how to appear cool when I have secret ulterior motives towards building a relationship with someone. Making new friends is not all that different from networking. They are one of the same. You can totally use your friends to advance your life! So, how do you make yourself cool enough so that people are willing to help you out? I’m asking for a friend. 

3. Do My Taxes

Why don’t they teach us the process of doing our taxes in high school? Learning this topic is vital if we plan on becoming law-abiding members of society. I do not want to move away from my parents house because the responsibility of doing my taxes would be too overwhelming. What if I do them wrong? I need to learn how to do this before I head out to law school. 

4. Wake Up Early Without Hitting Snooze

I hit snooze so much, it could be considered bullying. I need to get into the habit of waking up and staying up. Lately, my bed seduces me back to sleep until I am late for everything. How am I to have responsibilities when I can not even get up?

5. Take Aesthetically Pleasing Pictures

I envy people that have killer Instagram pages. I wish my world could look as magnificent as theirs. For the purposes of bragging about my pretty life, I want to learn how to take aesthetically pleasing pictures. In addition, I want to have the capability of taking a perfect shot in the first try. Not how I take pictures lately by taking fifty pictures in the hopes of getting a perfect shot within the crappy ones…A girl can only dream.

6. Be Honest Without Being Blunt

When I was younger, I was a big fat liar. Nowadays, I do not like to lie unless I absolutely have to. (That is what liars say so that they won’t feel bad when they resort to lying.) However, sometimes when I am being too candid, I come across as rude and blunt. I want to learn what the sweet spot between honesty and kindness is so that I can gain a reputation as a sincere woman. 

7. Not Lose Hope When Someone Cannot Hang Out With Me

Like any normal human being, I get extremely anxious whenever I make plans with someone. If I really want to become close with that person, my expectations rise high. I will get really excited to make plans because I am most likely in friend love with them. However, if they cannot hang out with me because they have a lot going on in their lives, ugly thoughts cloud my mind. I will assume that this person does not like me. And, I will be hesitant to befriend them.

I do not like that I let my insecurities prevent me from becoming close with someone. For that reason, I need to learn how to not lose hope and compromise. If I want something, I need to at least try.

8. Not Let Stress Overwhelm Me

Staying cool, calm, and collected has never been my forte. If stress becomes too overbearing, I will not be able to control my emotions. There will be tears, screams, and hyperventilation. When there shouldn’t be. I need to listen to Frankie and relax.

9. Be Able to Work Without Stress

I will make a ton of excuses for the sake of procrastinating. I cannot work without stress. I need to change that for my sake. I need to learn how to time manage and be able to work effectively through that system.

10. Be Healthy and Stay Healthy

Health is important. One must maintain it, at a very bothersome cost. This year I’ve gone through various fluctuating periods were I was trying to be healthy and I would later stop caring. Then the cycle would repeat the next month after the next. 

When there is no motivation to try, I lose interest. I need to be able to maintain my health. Start eating better. Take in more greens instead of sweets. Eat well but not over eat. I also need to keep my body moving. Whether it is through swimming, running, or even rock-climbing. My vessel needs to stay good because it is the only one I have.

11. Fake It Until I Make It

I come from a culture that prides itself in “faking it until you make it”. However, I am not comfortable with faking anything. I am not interested in feigning interest in a conversation or a person that I do not like. However, I have to be respectful and kind. If not then I become a difficult ass that no one wants to be associated with. The question here is, how can I “fake it” while remaining sincere and kind?

12. Not Cry As Much

I cry a lot. It is just what I do. I am likely to cry over a topic I’m very passionate about. I am very likely to weep loudly during the dramatic climax of a movie. Or if I see a video about a dog and a cat becoming best friends, I will ugly cry. (But, then again, if you do not cry about interspecies becoming friends, then you have no heart.) Even so, crying is not the most socially acceptable thing to do anywhere, except a funeral. So, I need to learn to limit my tears during my adult years.

13. Weed Out and Kick Out Poisonous Friends

I have A LOT of trouble weeding out and kicking out poisonous people since whenever I get close with someone I find it hard to accept that that person is in reality a very putrid and problematic nightmare. 

I’m getting better at doing this, but I’m not great. I would like to learn how to quickly identify those toxic individuals and get them far away from me. Sadly, the world makes us learn that lesson multiple times before we grow thicker skin.

14. Be Okay With The Fact That People Will Not Always Like Me

Whenever I hear that someone does not like me, I get anxious. Why? How could they not like me? I am a delight! How dare they?! I start to get insecure and I make myself believe that their interpretation of me is who I am. Which is not fair to myself! I might not be a people-pleaser but that does not mean that I am a cruel and heartless monster! I am a multi-faceted person that requires time and love to understand. Even if that does not come across in a another person’s first impression of me! Sorry for the lack of modesty but I am like an extremely problematic TV character that everyone eventually ends up loving. 

People are more than allowed to have their opinions about me, but that does not mean that that is who I am. The only opinion about me that should matter is my own. And, the only way for me to be okay with the fact that people will not always like me is to hold myself to a high regard. I just have trouble remembering this…

15. Deal With Rude People (w/o Being Rude Back)

Gosh, rude people are the worst! They can really ruin my day. Rude people are so engrained in society, that I am becoming one of them. How do I make it stop before the metamorphosis is complete? 

16. Be Kind and Caring Without Being a Pushover

When I was younger, I would let people push me over because I was too nice to tell them to stop. Nowadays, I struggle with not being the nicest person in the room. Someday I would really like to have the reputation of someone who is genuinely kind and sincere however, I do not how to do so without becoming a pushover…

17. Hold Chopsticks Correctly

I do not know how to hold chopsticks. I’m very certain that in my future, I will be invited to eat at oriental venues and I will embarrass myself there because I cannot hold chopsticks correctly.

18. Be Okay With People Having Crushes On Me

I’m not totally okay with people having crushes on me. It is too stressful! There are so many expectations and responsibilities that go with being a crush. And, I am afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. However, I cannot let fear prevent me from welcoming something that can potentially be grand.

19. Become My Ultimate Fan

People my age tend to have a body image problem. I am no stranger to those lousy feelings. I have gotten a lot better about loving myself than how I was when I was in high school, however there is room for improvement. Such as being able to love myself even when I am not feeling my look on a particular day. Like Hailee Steinfeld says in her summer jam, “(Hey) Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else”.

I need to practice being my ultimate fan until I become my ultimate fan. I know that my fan would not like me if I spend my time looking at a mirror and glaring at the parts that I do not like about myself. Because I would not be myself without my imperfections.

20. Be The Best Version of Myself

I need to aspire to be the best version of myself. But, I do not know what that entails. I would really like to know what I must do in order to become that super rad person. Hopefully, soon. 

---

Here is to another twenty years of change. Let us enjoy and relish our youth! By the way, Chvrches’s newest album “Every Open Eye” is the inspiration to this introspection of my coming of age. Their sophomore album is candid and revealing while still maintaining the band’s signature electric beats. Check it out on Spotify!

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a twenty year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Spotting the lame-Os

Excuse my cynicism, but people can suck. Sometimes it is foolish to expect people to be good.  This is why meeting new people gives me anxiety. You never know what you are going to get. You do not know if this person is going to end up being a creep or the greatest person you will ever meet. On the other hand, I have known and trusted people that became unpredictable monsters…

It is so hard to get to the point were you can trust someone! However, whenever you get close to someone, it is one of the best feelings ever! It is almost, if not equally, as great as wearing fresh-out-of-the-laundry clothes. Do not let cynicism beat you. Yet, do not totally let go of cynicism. It is a very useful tool when it comes to warding off those irrelevant lame-Os and getting close with the cool kids.

Here is a very short list on how to spot those lame-Os…

- If they have ulterior motives. 

When someone has other intentions that go past friendship, you cannot trust them.

- If they are an unsupportive friend.

If they are the kind of person that will shoot you down for being excited about something. If they belittle your intelligence. Or if they want to keep the focus on themselves, then then they are being gross grumps that do not deserve your friendship.

- If they never stand up for you.

Picture this: Your friend is talking to an acquaintance of yours. This acquaintance decides to rant about how much they do not like you. Your friend is now confronted with a moral dilemma. Do they (1) stand up for you, (2) listen and later report back to you the dirt, (3) listen and say nothing, or (4) join in on the hate-fest?

If 1, then loyal friend. If 2, a tad problematic, yet sincere weasel. If 3, then bye. People that stand for nothing are easily influenced losers. If 4, gurl bye!

- If they are constantly victimizing themselves by making you seem like the villain

Sometimes we can be the victim of a poisonous friend. However, when the “victim” is the poisonous friend, I see no point in them victimizing themselves. In addition, there is nothing great about making yourself the victim! You make yourself look weak and it is a cheap way of having people feel something for you.

-  If they are convinced that you have ulterior motives.

If you are not the real slim shady, please do not stand for someone slamming your good name.

- If they are embarrassed of you

Remember that time that you were having fun and your friend told you to cool your jets? Well, Amy Poehler said that "You can't look dumb when you're having fun", so who looks foolish now, Frank? (P.S. I don't know a Frank.)

- If they embarrass you so that they can look cooler in public

This happens whenever your friend and you are hanging out with other people and your friend (1) reminds you of the very embarrassing thing you did X years ago, (2) makes a very uncool joke about that situation in front of other people, and (3) does not realize how awful that was for you.

- If they never apologize

Any reasonable and prudent person knows that whenever one does bad they must apologize for their wrongdoing. However, if a friend is constantly adhering to condescending, rude, or awful behavior, and they do not apologize for it, then it is obvious that they are heartless sociopaths that you need to steer clear of. Do not forgive them. What is the point of forgiving them if they refuse to apologize. Screw the kindness of forgiveness!

I can only hope that with these tips you'll be able to ward of the lame-Os and have the most rocking #Squad that even Taylor Swift's squad is not able to surpass!

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Playlist: Sod Off

Sometimes people can really piss me off. (To be completely honest, I'm a little ball of anger.) So whenever I'm feeling angry, I have a select number of songs to play to reflect on the incident while I sing along to these wonderful tunes.

Note: The following songs and artists in this playlist are all considered my faves, so you should feel honored that I'm sharing them.

2nd Note: This playlist may or may not have been inspired by Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Sue me, Whedon!

You can listen to it via Spotify.

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.