Spotting the lame-Os

Excuse my cynicism, but people can suck. Sometimes it is foolish to expect people to be good.  This is why meeting new people gives me anxiety. You never know what you are going to get. You do not know if this person is going to end up being a creep or the greatest person you will ever meet. On the other hand, I have known and trusted people that became unpredictable monsters…

It is so hard to get to the point were you can trust someone! However, whenever you get close to someone, it is one of the best feelings ever! It is almost, if not equally, as great as wearing fresh-out-of-the-laundry clothes. Do not let cynicism beat you. Yet, do not totally let go of cynicism. It is a very useful tool when it comes to warding off those irrelevant lame-Os and getting close with the cool kids.

Here is a very short list on how to spot those lame-Os…

- If they have ulterior motives. 

When someone has other intentions that go past friendship, you cannot trust them.

- If they are an unsupportive friend.

If they are the kind of person that will shoot you down for being excited about something. If they belittle your intelligence. Or if they want to keep the focus on themselves, then then they are being gross grumps that do not deserve your friendship.

- If they never stand up for you.

Picture this: Your friend is talking to an acquaintance of yours. This acquaintance decides to rant about how much they do not like you. Your friend is now confronted with a moral dilemma. Do they (1) stand up for you, (2) listen and later report back to you the dirt, (3) listen and say nothing, or (4) join in on the hate-fest?

If 1, then loyal friend. If 2, a tad problematic, yet sincere weasel. If 3, then bye. People that stand for nothing are easily influenced losers. If 4, gurl bye!

- If they are constantly victimizing themselves by making you seem like the villain

Sometimes we can be the victim of a poisonous friend. However, when the “victim” is the poisonous friend, I see no point in them victimizing themselves. In addition, there is nothing great about making yourself the victim! You make yourself look weak and it is a cheap way of having people feel something for you.

-  If they are convinced that you have ulterior motives.

If you are not the real slim shady, please do not stand for someone slamming your good name.

- If they are embarrassed of you

Remember that time that you were having fun and your friend told you to cool your jets? Well, Amy Poehler said that "You can't look dumb when you're having fun", so who looks foolish now, Frank? (P.S. I don't know a Frank.)

- If they embarrass you so that they can look cooler in public

This happens whenever your friend and you are hanging out with other people and your friend (1) reminds you of the very embarrassing thing you did X years ago, (2) makes a very uncool joke about that situation in front of other people, and (3) does not realize how awful that was for you.

- If they never apologize

Any reasonable and prudent person knows that whenever one does bad they must apologize for their wrongdoing. However, if a friend is constantly adhering to condescending, rude, or awful behavior, and they do not apologize for it, then it is obvious that they are heartless sociopaths that you need to steer clear of. Do not forgive them. What is the point of forgiving them if they refuse to apologize. Screw the kindness of forgiveness!

I can only hope that with these tips you'll be able to ward of the lame-Os and have the most rocking #Squad that even Taylor Swift's squad is not able to surpass!

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Lessons From a Zumba Session

So this week I finally got back to reading Yes, Please by Amy Poehler which Vianey kindly lent me about 5 months ago. 

Yup, it's been a while. One of the things that the lovely Amy Poehler talks about is how she first fell in love with Improv. Now, just in general reading about Ms. Poehler’s life really makes me reflect upon my own and the very little chances that I have taken. I started thinking about how I treat my everyday life as the opposite of the way she describes Improv. I have to have things planned ages in advance, I hesitate way too much, and I’m afraid of letting loose. Later that same day I went to Zumba class with my mom. While trying to keep up with all the cumbia, salsa, and hip hop moves, I started thinking even more about all the ways that I am holding back in life. Other than giving me an awesome workout, Zumba has also made me question just how much I am actually living. Here are 5 things that Zumba has reminded me to do...

1. Don’t be afraid to take up space

When I first enter the Zumba room, I feel like I have to stand somewhere in the back taking up as little space as possible. Arms tucked in, legs close together, maybe a little bit hunched.Someone that is trying to roll themselves up into the tiniest ball possible. A little roly poly afraid to let their existence be known. I find that a lot of the times when I am in a group setting I feel hesitant to open up. Not opening up can really hurt the potential connections you make with people. It sucks because people rarely get to see the real me and then all that held back energy turns into this big ball that later explodes when I'm alone again. While most of this stuff is messing with us internally, it shows on the outside. Our body language can reveal all. But seriously, opening up from that tight and repressed position is so much more liberating and rewarding in the end. You are allowed to make exaggerated gestures and be demonstrative and expressive. Don't apologize for liveliness or excitement. Claim your space and revel in it. 

2. Don’t concern yourself with what everyone else is doing

My initial response in this new setting is to always look around me to see how other people are doing something that I'm unsure of how to do. Watching how someone else moves their hips during a certain step or where they put their hands during a salsa move has saved me from looking like an oversized baby who is barely learning how to walk. Watching other people can teach us a lot about what we could be doing, but there may come a point where looking at others is only making us more insecure about the way we are doing something. Everyone is going to work at their own pace and with their own style and flavor, so don't compare your choices in life to anyone else's. I am always comparing my path to others' and pointing out how some people are basically being better versions of myself and walking on all these routes toward success that I haven't even found yet. But this gets you nowhere. Doing something differently and at your own pace does not mean you are doing it wrong. 

3. Just act like you know what you're doing

If there is anything that I have learned from Zumba other that the fact that I am uncoordinated it's that you can’t let embarrassment hold you back. And guys I am not even exaggerating when I say that one of the moves we did had me looking like Napoleon, only a thousand times dorkier. 

But there is literally no point in getting worked up about how ‘silly’ you feel or look. In life, there are so many things that I have no idea if I'm doing right. Even when I have no idea what I'm doing (which is most of the time), it really helps when I pretend that I do. Confidence is key in anything you pursue. It's so important to believe in your own cause and to believe in your own abilities. I am constantly reminding myself to not freak out when I get lost. Freaking out and panicking only leads to overthinking things and second-guessing. Don't give yourself time to think about it, just jump straight into it and...Fake it till you make it? I guess that's what that phrase actually means. 

Get out there and "make the moves up as [you] go."

4. Give it all you got

Zumba will not be a workout if you don't let it be. You can go through the motions with the least possible energy and get nothing out of it. I usually do this when I'm feeling discouraged. I get into a 'what's the point' mood and let apathy take over my entire being. Once apathy gains control of my body, I become dismissive and completely complacent. I beat around the bush and hope that somewhere through all the stalling, the universe will grant me an opportunity or enlighten me with an answer. Sometimes this works, but most of the time it just means I’m being lazy and afraid. It's easy to become disconnected and disengaged, but Zumba has reminded me that it's not cool to be careless, and it rarely gets you anywhere.

5. Laugh at yourself

Half of the Zumba session is me trying to do a move right and failing miserably. Most of the time I find myself giggling at how silly and lost I look in the big mirror. If the group is taking two steps to the right, you can count on me to be taking two steps to the left. One of the things I find fun is to pretend that my mistakes and improvisations are all part of a comedy routine I am doing. I pretend that I have a secret audience watching me put on a silly show. As for real life, humor is one of the things that has kept me sane. If it weren't for my ability to laugh at myself and make fun of, I would be 100% S-A-D 24/forever. Even if in the end you make a fool of yourself, remind yourself that you're still amazing.

☻
Kristal

Hiding Gay in the Media Closet

Being gay has never been the ideal identity in mainstream U.S. culture. Casted as the best friend, the vague partnered neighbors, or the bullied outcast, society makes its peace with the otherness of same sex desires by leaving us in the background of the heterosexual kisses in the rain. How can a heteronormative culture come to terms with same sex partners when love has become the dialogue of a man and woman? 

As a gay woman, my own sexual identity was a mystery to me until high school. Unaware of stigmas or acceptance, I faced my own desires with fear and insecurity. I panicked when I crushed on boys and caught myself noticing their girlfriends as anything but rivals. Staring off into the distance, I noticed cheerleader skirts and freckled faces more than quarterback smiles and cologne. The awareness of otherness only heightened in middle school as girls paired off with boys and spoke of kisses and sex. I was falling behind on the quiet norm of heterosexuality and any sexuality at all. I wasn’t attracted to any boy and fell victim to a loneliness I attributed to my overambitious school schedule. Locker rooms began to be an open space of change that I couldn’t face at all. Eyes on the ground, I locked myself in stalls and ran out as soon as I changed. 

In more than one way middle school changed me and threw me further back in my journey to sexual awareness. I desperately changed my appearance: curled eyelashes, shorter skirts, eyeliner, and fake boyfriends. I wanted nothing more than to understand and fit in. I wanted the boyfriend that would awaken the butterflies and light me up inside out. The numbness worried my mother. Questions began to vaguely hint at whether I was attracted to men and why I couldn’t seem to find interest in a boy. One song changed my life that lonely eighth grade year: Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl. 

Life is a complicated mess for everyone and anyone. In a group of friends where the last thing I wanted to do was start a conversation over lunch about whether they also noticed the other girls and not the boys, I wondered at how much longer I would’ve lasted to come out if I hadn’t taken the plunge in high school. 

So what the hell do we do as a society when I only had one song to wake me while everyone else seemed to have hundreds of years of love ballads to daydream about? I began to realize how lost I had been my entire life, how much social stigma had plunged me into a state of ignorance about something as innate as my own sexuality! I wondered why something as clear as the color of my hair now had been such an obscured mystery? Who hid it from me?

Now on a mission from who knows where, I am on the hunt for music, film, and art I can understand. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to turn on the radio and hear a genuine song about love between two people of the same sex at least 6 times in the same hour. Maybe girls kissing on screen or on the tv will stop being masturbatory material for men one day. Maybe people will stop commenting on how I don’t look like a lesbian.

I can only hope for the LGBTQA kids sitting next to their parents in the family wagon. 

- Clara

Clara Acosta is a 19 year old on her way to a Froot state of mind. Grumpy most of the time, she's the sarcastic Debbie Downer of any group with an overtly sensitive set of feelings. Cradling Marina Diamandis and Florence Welch as the icons to worship, she's the friend well on her way to an existential crisis every Wednesday night.

An Honest Analysis on Crushes, Expectations, and Grand Romantic Gestures

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Even though they tend to crush your soul, crushes are nice. As depicted by this wonderful Buzzfeed video, crushes feel like…

I usually try to be very low key about my crushes since my shyness and awkwardness tends to not be endearing enough to win the affections of those I fancy. However, like most girls, I have spent various hours fantasizing an ideal future with my crushes and/or overanalyzing the most recent interaction that I’ve had with them. 

I’ll be honest, fantasizing and overanalyzing are not cute little harmless tidbits. They’re cruel and unfair thoughts to have because they create unrealistic expectations for others. It is highly unlikely for people to meet the expectations you've set for them. Not everyone is going to wow us the way that we yearn to be wowed. (Stupid ‘80s Coming-of-Age movies! They made me believe so many things. Cute boys don’t always go around making grand romantic gestures, John Hughes! (RIP) Gosh!) Once our crushes disappoint us by being human we will inevitably begin to feel devastated and disillusioned…

#SorryNotSorry Expectations are unfair for everyone. It’s a lose-lose! Take that one scene where Regina Spektor’s song “Hero” plays as Tom Hansen expects he and Summer to get back together in (500) Days of Summer. 

The accuracy in this scene is brutal! Those “secured” expectations that Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character has going into that party ended up making him sad and depressed for a really long time. (I refuse to discuss more about this movie since I love it too much to admit it’s problematic nature.)

—————————————————————Segway—————————————————————

Let’s talk about where my unrealistic expectations of crushes come from: Grand Romantic gestures that hotties from 1980s movies did for their significant others.

I, like a large portion of the internet, love seeing pictures or videos of people doing grand romantic gestures for the ones they love. Things like creative wedding proposals or prom-posals are entertaining to watch. It warms our hearts like videos of puppies taking their first steps. However, we don’t talk much about grand romantic gestures that aren’t reciprocated without making fun of them. 

We are quick to judge and call that girl stuck-up or rude, even though we don’t know her entire situation. Maybe it was too soon for him to be proposing. Or maybe she doesn't like him anymore because he doesn't listen to what she has to say. Whatever the reason she has for turning him down by hitting him with a small guitar please be aware that being turned down is not a bad thing. Sometimes we aren’t attracted to others that might be attracted to us. It happens. Science can better explain this with the Dobler-Dahmer Theory. 

The Dobler-Dahmer Theory from How I Met Your Mother explains the effectiveness of grand romantic gesture by taking into account the most important but sometimes forgotten variable of crushes: How does the other person feels you?

"If both people are into each other, then a big romantic gesture works: Dobler, but if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy: Dahmer.”

The Dobler-Dahmer Theory Hypothesis: If romantic interest is high, grand romantic gesture is more likely to be effective. Or if romantic interest is low, grand romantic gesture is more likely to be ineffective. 

(Note: The Dobler portion of the theory comes from the popular 1989 movie “Say Anything” with John Cusack portraying Lloyd Dobler. If you’re not quite sure what movie this is, it’s the movie where John Cusack is holding a boom box up high playing “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. This is Lloyd Dobler’s grand romantic gesture for his girlfriend Diane Court. It’s all very romantic.

Jeffrey Dammer, on the other hand, was an American serial killer. (Don’t google before going to sleep unless you want to be severely paranoid.))

So, let's say that you decided to take a chance and try out a grand romantic gesture with someone special.

If you took a chance and it worked. Good for you! I wish you well!

If you took a chance and it didn’t work…That sucks! However, please respect the other person’s decision. If they don’t feel the same way that you feel about them, then they don’t feel the same way that you feel about them. Contrary to what movies will tell you to do, there isn’t much you can do to change their mind. Please, don’t be creepy and leave them alone! Even though it didn’t work out, I hope that soon you’ll find someone that loves and appreciates your grand romantic gestures. Until then, I wish you well!

If someone takes a chance with you and you don’t feel the same way about them, then know that you DON’T owe them your affections. It’s flattering that they like you but, don’t feel like you’re stuck having to reciprocate your feelings. Don’t let others manipulate you into being in a relationship that you don’t want to be in! And, don’t lead others on! Be honest, stern, and unapologetic. Remember, you don’t owe anyone your affections!

—————————————————————Segway—————————————————————

Now, I will end this article with a bunch of conundrums because that is what love looks like. A bunch of nonsensical explanations that will make sense to only those that were crazy enough to take a chance and it worked.

Even though crushes are nice, they are soul crushing. It's unfair to have unrealistic expectations of others however, don't let that stop you from expecting good things will happen to you. Screw people that are quick to judge and call stuck up or a head in the clouds for your thoughts on romance. Romantic gestures are only romantic to those that want romance with you. Don't get angry or creepy whenever someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings. 

I wish you well. Now go listen to my "Realistic Crush" playlist on Spotify. This playlist is excellent for when you're crushing on someone or crushing bones. This is perhaps the most versatile playlist we've done yet. 

(https://41.media.tumblr.com/4baee0e4b484593793dd197a15c59a26/tumblr_msqsncGsp01rlftkjo1_500.jpg)

<3

-Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now on then, mostly on Friday.

That's Not My Name

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Parents are given the most special and influential task when they bring a child into the world. They must name them. (And, to raise them. I guess.) Even though names are just sounds that we associate with people, they are big factors in deciding the kind of person we are going to become. (I’m not going to get into the common misconceptions and stereotypes of different names because that’s messy.) This is the story with my name.

When I was born, my parents decided to not name me after any of the 200 most common female names of 1995. They chose to name me with this obscure Mexican name, in addition to giving it a very uncommon spelling. My name became Vianey. Pronounced like Vee-uh-nay.

As a kid, I was embarrassed and annoyed of my name. It was too unique! No one knew how to say it correctly. People constantly misspelled it. Sometimes, they would even plead to call me by a different name. (There was no way out of my God-given first name since I have no middle name.) This would happen everywhere! Teachers, peers, host, and hostesses would butcher my name. People who have unique names, or unique spellings of common names, should know what I mean. If not, then Buzzfeed should give you the insight you require.

As my tastes and personality matured, I began to appreciate the uniqueness of my name. My name made me feel like an individual who stood above the basic. In my eyes, I had the best and coolest identity because of my name. Some of the things that I like about my name include that half of the letters are vowels, it looks cute written in cursive, and people rarely have to ask “which Vianey?” when I’m brought up in conversations. (I don’t care if that might have negative connotations.)

However, like most things in my life, everything great doesn’t last. When I got to high school, I realized that there was about four girls with the same name as me. From there, the uniqueness of my name was stripped away from me… People had already learned the easy way of pronouncing my name, which is saying my name like DNA but with a V instead of a D. Even though there was still some people that would add an extra “N” to the spelling of my name, they would quickly fix their mistake… I sincerely yearned to correct people. (I’m not demented! It’s just that you do something all your life and all of a sudden it stops, you miss doing it.)

I slowly began to deal with this. I was not as unique as I thought I was. That’s cool, I guess… But then, an additional turning point of life with my name occurred. At my university, I have many professors that are not native to my city, El Paso, TX. (A city with a predominately large Hispanic/Latino/a population.) Since they hail from places like Pennsylvania, San Antonio, Turkey, England, one might assume that they’ve never heard my name. And, this was assumed correctly. When they would take row, they could not, for the sake of their life, say my name. One specific professor, who has Hispanic and Irish roots in her, doesn’t even try to pronounce my name, no matter how many times I have explained it to her. (She takes row in every class. It’s halfway through the semester. This is agony, son.)

Yes, this whole rant is based on these situations. It’s annoying. My point here is that if I’m going to try in your class, you better try with my name. Like Mindy Kaling eloquently puts it in her book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, 

“I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.””

http://theduanewells.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Mindy-Kaling-Book-Cover.jpg 

I’m glad that there are at least three professors so far in my collegiate education who have succeeded in pronouncing my name, but there are still ways to go.

Even though sometimes I wish I could have a common name, I immediately regret that wish and I go back to loving my name. Sure, it might suck to have to constantly correct people, but I like correcting people. The biggest downside I see to my name is that there might never be a love song with my name in it. Regardless, my name is rad! It’s my main identity and I’m not shedding it, ever. Even my grave will showcase the uniqueness of it for generations to enjoy. (In addition, there has been people who have loved my name so badly that their children's names became younger copycats of my name. So, I'm the main trendsetter.)

<3

- Vianey A.K.A. The Trendsetter

Bonus: There was this 1960s Mexican singer who did Spanish covers of The Beatles with my name. (Correct spelling and everything.) Here is her cover of "Twist and Shout". 

(This makes me so happy because of five reasons. (1) I love The Beatles. (2) I love Ferris Bueller's Day Off. (3) This cover is made in my first language. (4) She has my name. (5) She is wearing cute clothes in the album cover.)

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every Friday on Kaleid-Eh-Scope.

What 2 Do When U Don't Feel Like U

I don't know what it is, but lately I've been having a hard time feeling like myself. Maybe I feel like I have a lot going on and start to kind of lose myself in the madness. Maybe I think too much about the way I come off to people and the kind of impressions I leave. Maybe I'm in an awkward transitional phase where I am in the process shedding my old skin and morphing into a beautiful spring butterfly. . .

Either way, I can't seem to wrap my finger around the source, and whatever it is, it's bumming me out. I'm out of place; Something is off. It's as if my past selves are clashing with my present self and fighting for the same space of my potential/future self, and I'm not sure which 'me' to show at any given time. I'm a believer in feeling out emotions and awkward times of our lives so that we can learn from them and try to improve our lives, but once that is done, all the lame feels have to be kicked to the curb. If you ever find yourself feeling out of your element, I hope these tips can make you feel like your damn fine self again.

1. Do something nice for yourself.
Sometimes when I don't feel like myself, it's because I'm tired: mentally and physically drained. And when you're tired, nothing feels right. To remind yourself that you are important and amazing, be nice to yourself. Get yourself those wings that ALWAYS leave you satisfied or take that nice and well-deserved afternoon nap or do your makeup even if you don't have plans to go out or light a sweet-scented candle and drink some nerve-calming tea like the sophisticated scholar that you are. Treat yourself with the gentle care and consideration that your body and soul deserves.

2. Listen to your jams.
Does it make sense when I say to listen to music that just feels like you? Not simply songs that you like. I can't say it any other way than to listen to songs that remind you of who you are. This could mean songs from your childhood (the ones you may or may not feel embarrassed to say that you still have on your ipod) or songs from a good time in your life. Dramatic spanish-ballads that remind you of your mom, rock and roll classics you remember hearing when you helped your dad wash the cars as a kid, or those songs they overplayed on the radio when you were 10 that you now love. Songs that make you happy and that have shaped you over the years. I think this step is a lot more effective when the songs are from your past. I find that these types of songs make me a very specific type of happy and they never fail to fuel my present self with the strange wisdom of a past where I was younger.

3. Wear something that feels YOU.
I know this seems kinda broad and a little weird but I hope you have that one shirt or that one hoodie or cardigan that never fails to make you feel way in your element. Sometimes I like to think of what we wear as our armor. I like seeing articles of clothing as ways of making us feel like fierce and unstoppable forces. When feeling out of touch with yourself, always go for the timeless pieces in your closet, whether it's a favorite dress you've worn a million times or an old, holey, and comfy pj shirt.

4. Hug your dog or cat
I'm going to talk about dogs here because I've never had a cat but you can mentally replace the word dog with the word cat or whatever other animal you have that you feel loved by. Dogs are never judgmental and to them you are the brightest star in the whole of their universe. Your dogs are your biggest fan and are always there to remind you with a lick to the face and a vigorous tail wag that you are a fantastic person.

me and my love, Ginger

5. Watch your favorite movie or tv show.
Having a good laugh or a good cry can be exactly what you need when you're feeling this way. Tune in to that show that always makes you laugh no matter what and whose reruns you never get tired of. Put on that movie you've watched a countless amount of times and that still never fails to make you cry. Tears, laughter, anger, fear...all these emotions that movies and shows evoke in us bring us closer to ourselves. Sometimes while watching my fave movies or TV shows I find that I get lost in their worlds and sometimes even feel like I could be one of the characters. Whether you get strength from the tears, laughter, or from embodying your favorite character, get lost in the movies or shows that are classics to you.

Now and Then (1995)

The Office

6. Look through old photos
I love looking through old albums. Seeing pictures of my parents while they were my age is one of the coolest and most surreal experiences. Being in touch with some aspect of your history, whether you know your entire ancestry or like me, you rely on photo albums to retell the past, is a big part of understanding who you are. Your ancestors, parents, grandparents...don't always have to define you, but they can remind you that you are apart of something big, you belong somewhere, and often I am able to learn or understand something new about myself while flipping through our 90' styled photo albums. When it comes to seeing pictures of myself, I always think about how different I feel now, but that "OMG, that's still me." A me that I could even learn a lot from. Plus there's also proof that at one point I was cool, so I'm bound to be cool again at another point in my life right???

me as a sassy baby who can't b bothered w flash photography (ignore my big phone in the reflection of the photo) ((I hope I didn't just make you realize it's there))

7. Talk to someone who knows you well.
We all have those people in our lives that we feel just KNOW us and GET us in a way that not just anyone does. That person that accepts every side of who we are and makes us feel appreciated and loved. These are the kinds of people that laugh at our jokes, make us laugh even harder, and that are just always on the same wavelength as we are. In our everyday lives we may not get to see these people on a regular basis. Instead, we may find ourselves surrounded by people who mistaken us as mean, dull, unintelligent, overbearing, underwhelming......and we may begin to feel like their perceptions define us. BUT THEY DON'T and that's why I think it's important to surround yourself with people who remind you of why you are important and special.

Feeling completely in touch with myself is always a constant struggle. If you ever find yourself in this position, make sure that the things you surround yourself with are timeless. Things that are always constant and hardly ever have side effects. That's what we need when we start losing touch with ourselves. Solid, reliable, and stable sources of happiness that restore our balance and sense of purpose every time.

best best weeshes to everyone,

Kristal

The Metaphorical Ghosts Of Your Past

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Whenever I walk around my university (also known as the time when I’m perfecting my resting bitch face), I can’t help but think about the lives, backstories, and points of those walking around me. Where is he going? How did you do your hair? Is the reason why she’s wearing workout clothes because she worked out earlier or because she feels comfortable wearing what she’s wearing? Whoa, partner, why are you rushing? When was the last time he cried? (You know all the normal stuff people think about when they’re walking to class.) I also attempt to decipher the things that run through their individual heads. Are they worried about anything? If so, could they be worried about their current or lack of a relationship? Maybe they’re worried about their past. Could it be possible that they haven’t hugged their mothers in a long time? What if they don’t have their mother anymore? I realize this might sound vain but, would they find it weird that I’m trying to figure their lives out? Would they even think of me? (Yeah, I have a way of turning things into some existential BS real quickly.)

Evidently, I think a lot about baggage. For those of you who haven’t heard this term ever, the third available definition for baggage by Urban Dictionary is described as “an issue regarding a person's past that can affect their current disposition”. What bad thing happened in this person’s past that shaped the senile behaviors within them? This is the juicy stuff that develops a character on TV. Or, if you want a in real life example, once you learn about another person’s baggage you see them another way. You will probably find yourself justifying their actions by what you know about their past.

I’m no stranger to this term. I have my fair share of baggage. As much as I cover it up with my Boss Bitch attitude, there are metaphorical ghosts from my past that like to pop up and cause me to have cringe-attacks. Oh, I shouldn’t have done that! Oh, that could have been easily avoided! Oh, I should have known better! My past really does affect my judgement. 

(http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef0133edd51ff3970b-pi)

Earlier I hinted at my reflective tendencies while I walk around my university. (I need something to keep my mind off of how exasperated I feel after I walk-up the stairs. And, since it is publicly frowned upon to sing out loud, what else am I supposed to do?) While at uni, I don’t only see strangers. Sometimes I’m surrounded by people I know. Some are great friends that I love and appreciate. Some are former-strange people that I used to friend. (I have been known to be bitter.) 

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Whenever I see those people, anger fuels my veins. There are reasons to not be fans of them and they’re valid, by my calculations. My displeasure towards them isn’t solely constituted by the ways in which they’ve smitten me but, by the fact that they’re walking-proof of the kind of person that I used to be. (Yes, my biggest annoyance with my baggage(s) is a selfish one.) This baggage is a constant reminder of the embarrassing things that have happened to me. 

It sucks to be bothered by baggage. I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do. There is no room to win against the ghosts of your past (A.K.A. baggage). You can’t express bitterness because they’ll have the upper-hand. You can’t swallow up your pride because there is too much bad blood to shed. You can’t avoid them because they have as much as a reason to be there as you do. This baggage is here to stay and haunt me, for the time being. 

I guess all I could do, or all anyone who might be dealing with this issue can do is take Ted Mosby’s advice. As Ted so eloquently puts in season five of How I Met Your Mother, “Everyone’s got some baggage; it’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it.”

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If the best we can do to get over our baggage is seek people out, then that’s a pretty good reason to have a good crew behind you. Our loved ones will know how to handle the perfect balance of “treat yourself to a good rant” to “you’re better than this; get over it”. 

The people that can help us deal with baggage don’t necessarily need to people that we know or even people. They can be found by the music that we listen to or, by playing with your pets or, by doing activities that make us happy, like sports (probably). A good album to listen to when you're dealing with stuff is Trouble Will Find Me. Then again it is one of my favorite albums and it will always have my seal of approval for everything. 

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every Friday on Kaleid-Eh-Scope.

Not Funny

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I, like a lot of people, look up to the wonderful Amy Poehler. She is a superb person to admire. Aside from starring in some of the greatest shows of all time, Parks and Recreation or Saturday Night Live, she excels at giving advice. This is more notably seen through her memoir-book “Yes Please” and her website Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls. Her book and her advice column on her website are jammed-packed with great and important advice on how to deal with life. One specific tip that she pointed out was, “…if a boy says something that isn’t funny, you don’t have to laugh.” I think about this a lot. 

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I’m pretty certain that we’ve all found ourselves in situations when a boy (or girl or whatever pronoun they identify with) said something that they thought was funny yet, you didn’t think it was as amusing as they hoped it had been. However, you found yourself laughing to ease the awkwardness from this exchange. Is laughing really our best option at being polite? Why can’t we be upfront about what we think?

I recently started to be more honest about the things I like and don’t. And, when I don’t laugh at jokes my well-meaning yet, offensive friends (or family) say, I get called a buzzkill, or killjoy, or party pooper. You get the jist. 

My intentions are not to kill anyone’s buzz, or to infringe on anyone’s First Amendment right, they’re simply to be as honest as I can be to the people I love and to myself. That’s more or less it. 

Sure, there was a time were some offensive jokes used to make me laugh so hard that I couldn’t breathe correctly afterwards. But now, I can’t decide if the reason why I don’t find them funny is because I am above this, or I’ve become more sensitive towards certain topics. I can’t provide answers nor do I require an answer. I guess this is just part of growing up. 

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every Friday on Kaleid-Eh-Scope.

Boys and Texting: An Art

Whenever there is a guy that I am talking to it feels like every time, they like playing a game of how long it will take me to crack before I text them back again because they haven’t answered the previous text. Often this is what goes through my mind when I text someone and they choose to watch all the episodes of friends and then text me back:

1.      “Oh My God. He Probably thinks I’m weird, I am weird. Oh my gosh, Shaking my head.”

2.      “He’s probably busy”

3.      “He found someone better.”

4.      “I think I might have sounded to clingy”

5.      “Fuck. I scared him off, again”

6.      “He’s hot and he knows that, so he wants someone with a better face, why must I have this face?”

7.      “Obviously he lost his phone or got in a fight defending my honor."

Ultimately there are so many excuses I could come up with to say to myself but sometimes let’s get it straight: He’s just not that into you or he IS busy or he is human and he doesn’t know what to say/do. Guys have lives and sometimes those lives get in the way of texting and interrupt your very important conversation about hibernating bears (I was so nervous that someone would stop talking to me once, I did this, don’t judge me.) Sometimes it’s not that they are being mean and planning on making you want to tie a noose over your neck, it’s just that they really have something to do or they have something on their mind. When a person comes into your life and you end up coming into theirs for the first time, it is true, the first thing we usually do is text.

What we often forget is the fact that we haven’t been in their lives forever so who the hell knows what they’ve gone through or what they’re still going through, what classes their taking, what job they have, what marks a past relationship may have left on them? We don’t know and so therefore we can’t or at least we shouldn’t worry ourselves and get obsessive over why they might be taking a little or a long while to text us back. Go on with your life, don’t rush anything, especially a potential relationship. Good things take time and you know this because when a boy or girl finally texts you back, you get this feeling like you want to dance naked at a supermarket. It’ll be okay, hang in there baby.

Now, we have to acknowledge that there will be those times when a guy doesn’t text you back because he doesn’t want to. I know, none of us want to face this fact because none of us are not fabulous. We will always be fabulous but sometimes are fabulousness is not meant for the person of our interest at specific point of time. You have to be strong, you have to swallow your tears back and move on because honey it is not worth your time. This is just one guy out of the sea of guys that are out there. Don’t mistake yourself thinking that this guy might be the one, you’re only texting, geez. Be confident in yourself and know that you deserve happiness and you deserve someone who wants to talk to you and will talk to you. You deserve the world, we all do.

Last but not least, have you ever thought about the fact that he might be wondering what to say to you because he feels not good at communicating and that he’ll fuck it up. Give him time, he wants to impress you, he might even feel intimidated. Ultimately a guy will text you back if he wants to and you’ll text him back if you want to. Establish what you want, set your standards and don’t fret and try your best to not be a clingy bitch. It’ll happen if it is supposed to happen. Stay Flawless.

Xoxo,

Jacob

Let's Talk About It: Blonde Men and Hurt

    This is a gay boy story about human problems.

Chapter 1: The boy and his beautiful Elizabeth Taylor eyes
    Last semester, there was a boy, there's always a boy. For the sake of his privacy, we'll call him Sid. Sid was blonde with the most amazing eyes I'd ever seen. Though he was short, which if you've seen me, you'll know that everybody is short to me, his body definition was on point. This is the way it happened. He friended me on facebook, we dm'ed for a while and then I gave him my number where then we switched to texting (I know, us kids and our technology). He was sweet, he was cute and I just liked him or at least the idea of him. But (yes there's always a but) he "wasn't gay." He was closeted and though I'm not closeted I went ahead because where I live, you either have the option of dating someone who's married, dating someone who only wants to fuck or dating someone who's "in the closet." Okay, I'm being a little dramatic, but I rest my case.

    Sid works at a well known retail establishment and he asked me to visit. I was nervous, like every millennial when we're faced with a face instead of a glowing retina display screen. I wanted to shop anyway, so I took my mom and sister along (they knew the plan) and off we went. When I walked in, my stomach felt a little nervous and honestly I could of barfed but I saved the dramatic scene for someone more deserving like Kate Winslet. When I saw him and he saw me, it felt good but instead of saying hi right away or coming over to me excitedly like I imagined in my head, he stood like a statue. He had to look around, make sure the coast was clear and then he went over and acted so discreet about everything.
     I had to ask myself, will it be like this all the time? Will he be constantly in fear of whether or not someone is watching us together? Will I have to wear a mask and hide the fact that I'm a boy? Will I ever really be able to get to know him if he's constantly living in hiding? ooooooooh I love that Jacket, do they have that in my size? Anyhow, I ended it. I had to, it wasn't that I was against someone being in the closet. Here was my thinking: We're at different levels, he's at a place right now where he hasn't been able to express his sexuality openly and that's okay but I'm at a place where I don't want to hide myself anymore and at the same token would like to openly share with facebook that I'm in a relationship. The big mistake was, I never really ended it, I just stopped texting him. I figured I was letting him down easy by not responding to his texts and by not talking it out period. (no pun intended, oh who am I kidding? I'm an English major, I love puns)
    Instead of confronting Sid about it, I let him go just like that and in the process I held onto guilt and couldn't let myself go on.

 Chapter 2: Dodging the boy at the Mall and other shenanigans

    As the months went by after we stopped talking, I could still see his facebook posts and although I loved the store he worked at I skipped out on going to get clothes because I couldn't face seeing him. Why is it that we do that? Why are we so afraid to face something? Why are we so afraid to confront the past? If I had the answers for you, trust me honey, I would give it to you straight. Yes, there was guilt about not giving him closure but even with other boys and friends who have come and gone in my life, it has been a struggle to face them after the aftermath. (okay these unintentional puns are scaring me) I often give my self a hard time so I introspected.

    I had to stop. I had to stop "letting someone down easy," I had to stop thinking that hurt was avoidable, I had to stop being a child and go to the damn mall and get the oversized T-shirt I really wanted, I had to stop being scared of my past and face Sid and anyone else who became "someone that I used to know." I gathered up all my courage and went to the mall and into the store of which he worked and he wasn't there. It was okay. I was okay. It didn't matter that he wasn't there and it doesn't matter that we will never have that closure (unless Sid is reading this then I'm sorry and I hope you're okay) because I was able to face the fact that he might be there, that he might ask some questions, that he might look at me with full hurt in his eyes.

   

Chapter 3: A gay boy human learns

    I wasn't okay with facing my past because I was too caught up with trying to avoid the hurt that I may have initiated on someone else and worse the hurt that was there with me all along. For me, hurt becomes numb and I don't really show my emotions right away, but eventually it all comes out and one way or another I have to deal with it.

    I believe that can be said for everyone. We're scared when we have to confront our past. Why? Because there's something there, I suppose, something that we don't want to face, an internal thing maybe. We're too scared to face something that we used to have that we can't have anymore because it hurts and when it comes down to it we'd rather watch a cat video than deal with it head on. OOOOOOOOOOH Cat Video, I'll be right back. What we have to realize is that hurt is inevitable and sooner or later we have to face what we already know for the sake of moving on. The well known philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once stated that

"Life can only be understood backwards; but must be lived forwards."

   Don't fight it, don't avoid it, face it, fall down, eat some chocolate and get back up.

xoxo,

Jacob

Jacob Henrie is a gay boy human with many passions. On his free-time Jacob can be found at the mall spending his entire pay check on clothing or smothering his teacup poodle, Luxy. He can be reached on Facebook or Instagram.