Trying to Become a Totally Together Woman

My twentieth birthday happened today! (10/20) I am no longer a teenager and it is terrifying! I am unable to use the excuses of “teen angst” or “I’m a teen and I’m figuring it out” without getting weird looks from other fellow adults. 

Therefore, I compiled a list of twenty things I have yet to learn or accept into my life. I cannot stress how important it is for me to learn this soon for the sake of becoming a well-adjusted adult within society. (A.K.A. Becoming a Totally Together Girl Woman (TTW)) In addition, I think that the casual depiction of the rare flaws in my behavior, quirks, or attitude, are pretty universal. Perhaps even relatable. Hopefully, this list provides introspection and makes you realize what you need to do to get it together. 

Without further ado, I Need to Know How To…

1. Be More Confident

As much as I brag about being a boss bitch from hell that does not let anything crush her, I am not the most confident gal in the bunch. Being perfectly candid, there is a gender bias to my lack of confidence. Women are more likely to receive a negative connotation when they want something. Personally, it scares me being thought of as aggressive or annoying. However, nothing would get done if it weren’t for confident people. I need to learn how to embrace terms like aggressive and annoying if I plan to break through this patriarchal society. In addition, one day I plan on becoming someone that little girls aspire to become. I cannot imagine Justice Sandra Day O’Connor or Stevie Nicks being afraid of coming across as aggressive or annoying. So, why am I?

2. Network(/ Make Friends)

Networking is the most necessary evil. I, personally, see networking as using people to advance your career or your personal life. Feel free to disagree. However, I do not know how to appear cool when I have secret ulterior motives towards building a relationship with someone. Making new friends is not all that different from networking. They are one of the same. You can totally use your friends to advance your life! So, how do you make yourself cool enough so that people are willing to help you out? I’m asking for a friend. 

3. Do My Taxes

Why don’t they teach us the process of doing our taxes in high school? Learning this topic is vital if we plan on becoming law-abiding members of society. I do not want to move away from my parents house because the responsibility of doing my taxes would be too overwhelming. What if I do them wrong? I need to learn how to do this before I head out to law school. 

4. Wake Up Early Without Hitting Snooze

I hit snooze so much, it could be considered bullying. I need to get into the habit of waking up and staying up. Lately, my bed seduces me back to sleep until I am late for everything. How am I to have responsibilities when I can not even get up?

5. Take Aesthetically Pleasing Pictures

I envy people that have killer Instagram pages. I wish my world could look as magnificent as theirs. For the purposes of bragging about my pretty life, I want to learn how to take aesthetically pleasing pictures. In addition, I want to have the capability of taking a perfect shot in the first try. Not how I take pictures lately by taking fifty pictures in the hopes of getting a perfect shot within the crappy ones…A girl can only dream.

6. Be Honest Without Being Blunt

When I was younger, I was a big fat liar. Nowadays, I do not like to lie unless I absolutely have to. (That is what liars say so that they won’t feel bad when they resort to lying.) However, sometimes when I am being too candid, I come across as rude and blunt. I want to learn what the sweet spot between honesty and kindness is so that I can gain a reputation as a sincere woman. 

7. Not Lose Hope When Someone Cannot Hang Out With Me

Like any normal human being, I get extremely anxious whenever I make plans with someone. If I really want to become close with that person, my expectations rise high. I will get really excited to make plans because I am most likely in friend love with them. However, if they cannot hang out with me because they have a lot going on in their lives, ugly thoughts cloud my mind. I will assume that this person does not like me. And, I will be hesitant to befriend them.

I do not like that I let my insecurities prevent me from becoming close with someone. For that reason, I need to learn how to not lose hope and compromise. If I want something, I need to at least try.

8. Not Let Stress Overwhelm Me

Staying cool, calm, and collected has never been my forte. If stress becomes too overbearing, I will not be able to control my emotions. There will be tears, screams, and hyperventilation. When there shouldn’t be. I need to listen to Frankie and relax.

9. Be Able to Work Without Stress

I will make a ton of excuses for the sake of procrastinating. I cannot work without stress. I need to change that for my sake. I need to learn how to time manage and be able to work effectively through that system.

10. Be Healthy and Stay Healthy

Health is important. One must maintain it, at a very bothersome cost. This year I’ve gone through various fluctuating periods were I was trying to be healthy and I would later stop caring. Then the cycle would repeat the next month after the next. 

When there is no motivation to try, I lose interest. I need to be able to maintain my health. Start eating better. Take in more greens instead of sweets. Eat well but not over eat. I also need to keep my body moving. Whether it is through swimming, running, or even rock-climbing. My vessel needs to stay good because it is the only one I have.

11. Fake It Until I Make It

I come from a culture that prides itself in “faking it until you make it”. However, I am not comfortable with faking anything. I am not interested in feigning interest in a conversation or a person that I do not like. However, I have to be respectful and kind. If not then I become a difficult ass that no one wants to be associated with. The question here is, how can I “fake it” while remaining sincere and kind?

12. Not Cry As Much

I cry a lot. It is just what I do. I am likely to cry over a topic I’m very passionate about. I am very likely to weep loudly during the dramatic climax of a movie. Or if I see a video about a dog and a cat becoming best friends, I will ugly cry. (But, then again, if you do not cry about interspecies becoming friends, then you have no heart.) Even so, crying is not the most socially acceptable thing to do anywhere, except a funeral. So, I need to learn to limit my tears during my adult years.

13. Weed Out and Kick Out Poisonous Friends

I have A LOT of trouble weeding out and kicking out poisonous people since whenever I get close with someone I find it hard to accept that that person is in reality a very putrid and problematic nightmare. 

I’m getting better at doing this, but I’m not great. I would like to learn how to quickly identify those toxic individuals and get them far away from me. Sadly, the world makes us learn that lesson multiple times before we grow thicker skin.

14. Be Okay With The Fact That People Will Not Always Like Me

Whenever I hear that someone does not like me, I get anxious. Why? How could they not like me? I am a delight! How dare they?! I start to get insecure and I make myself believe that their interpretation of me is who I am. Which is not fair to myself! I might not be a people-pleaser but that does not mean that I am a cruel and heartless monster! I am a multi-faceted person that requires time and love to understand. Even if that does not come across in a another person’s first impression of me! Sorry for the lack of modesty but I am like an extremely problematic TV character that everyone eventually ends up loving. 

People are more than allowed to have their opinions about me, but that does not mean that that is who I am. The only opinion about me that should matter is my own. And, the only way for me to be okay with the fact that people will not always like me is to hold myself to a high regard. I just have trouble remembering this…

15. Deal With Rude People (w/o Being Rude Back)

Gosh, rude people are the worst! They can really ruin my day. Rude people are so engrained in society, that I am becoming one of them. How do I make it stop before the metamorphosis is complete? 

16. Be Kind and Caring Without Being a Pushover

When I was younger, I would let people push me over because I was too nice to tell them to stop. Nowadays, I struggle with not being the nicest person in the room. Someday I would really like to have the reputation of someone who is genuinely kind and sincere however, I do not how to do so without becoming a pushover…

17. Hold Chopsticks Correctly

I do not know how to hold chopsticks. I’m very certain that in my future, I will be invited to eat at oriental venues and I will embarrass myself there because I cannot hold chopsticks correctly.

18. Be Okay With People Having Crushes On Me

I’m not totally okay with people having crushes on me. It is too stressful! There are so many expectations and responsibilities that go with being a crush. And, I am afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. However, I cannot let fear prevent me from welcoming something that can potentially be grand.

19. Become My Ultimate Fan

People my age tend to have a body image problem. I am no stranger to those lousy feelings. I have gotten a lot better about loving myself than how I was when I was in high school, however there is room for improvement. Such as being able to love myself even when I am not feeling my look on a particular day. Like Hailee Steinfeld says in her summer jam, “(Hey) Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else”.

I need to practice being my ultimate fan until I become my ultimate fan. I know that my fan would not like me if I spend my time looking at a mirror and glaring at the parts that I do not like about myself. Because I would not be myself without my imperfections.

20. Be The Best Version of Myself

I need to aspire to be the best version of myself. But, I do not know what that entails. I would really like to know what I must do in order to become that super rad person. Hopefully, soon. 

---

Here is to another twenty years of change. Let us enjoy and relish our youth! By the way, Chvrches’s newest album “Every Open Eye” is the inspiration to this introspection of my coming of age. Their sophomore album is candid and revealing while still maintaining the band’s signature electric beats. Check it out on Spotify!

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a twenty year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Spotting the lame-Os

Excuse my cynicism, but people can suck. Sometimes it is foolish to expect people to be good.  This is why meeting new people gives me anxiety. You never know what you are going to get. You do not know if this person is going to end up being a creep or the greatest person you will ever meet. On the other hand, I have known and trusted people that became unpredictable monsters…

It is so hard to get to the point were you can trust someone! However, whenever you get close to someone, it is one of the best feelings ever! It is almost, if not equally, as great as wearing fresh-out-of-the-laundry clothes. Do not let cynicism beat you. Yet, do not totally let go of cynicism. It is a very useful tool when it comes to warding off those irrelevant lame-Os and getting close with the cool kids.

Here is a very short list on how to spot those lame-Os…

- If they have ulterior motives. 

When someone has other intentions that go past friendship, you cannot trust them.

- If they are an unsupportive friend.

If they are the kind of person that will shoot you down for being excited about something. If they belittle your intelligence. Or if they want to keep the focus on themselves, then then they are being gross grumps that do not deserve your friendship.

- If they never stand up for you.

Picture this: Your friend is talking to an acquaintance of yours. This acquaintance decides to rant about how much they do not like you. Your friend is now confronted with a moral dilemma. Do they (1) stand up for you, (2) listen and later report back to you the dirt, (3) listen and say nothing, or (4) join in on the hate-fest?

If 1, then loyal friend. If 2, a tad problematic, yet sincere weasel. If 3, then bye. People that stand for nothing are easily influenced losers. If 4, gurl bye!

- If they are constantly victimizing themselves by making you seem like the villain

Sometimes we can be the victim of a poisonous friend. However, when the “victim” is the poisonous friend, I see no point in them victimizing themselves. In addition, there is nothing great about making yourself the victim! You make yourself look weak and it is a cheap way of having people feel something for you.

-  If they are convinced that you have ulterior motives.

If you are not the real slim shady, please do not stand for someone slamming your good name.

- If they are embarrassed of you

Remember that time that you were having fun and your friend told you to cool your jets? Well, Amy Poehler said that "You can't look dumb when you're having fun", so who looks foolish now, Frank? (P.S. I don't know a Frank.)

- If they embarrass you so that they can look cooler in public

This happens whenever your friend and you are hanging out with other people and your friend (1) reminds you of the very embarrassing thing you did X years ago, (2) makes a very uncool joke about that situation in front of other people, and (3) does not realize how awful that was for you.

- If they never apologize

Any reasonable and prudent person knows that whenever one does bad they must apologize for their wrongdoing. However, if a friend is constantly adhering to condescending, rude, or awful behavior, and they do not apologize for it, then it is obvious that they are heartless sociopaths that you need to steer clear of. Do not forgive them. What is the point of forgiving them if they refuse to apologize. Screw the kindness of forgiveness!

I can only hope that with these tips you'll be able to ward of the lame-Os and have the most rocking #Squad that even Taylor Swift's squad is not able to surpass!

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Playlist: Sod Off

Sometimes people can really piss me off. (To be completely honest, I'm a little ball of anger.) So whenever I'm feeling angry, I have a select number of songs to play to reflect on the incident while I sing along to these wonderful tunes.

Note: The following songs and artists in this playlist are all considered my faves, so you should feel honored that I'm sharing them.

2nd Note: This playlist may or may not have been inspired by Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Sue me, Whedon!

You can listen to it via Spotify.

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.

Lessons From a Zumba Session

So this week I finally got back to reading Yes, Please by Amy Poehler which Vianey kindly lent me about 5 months ago. 

Yup, it's been a while. One of the things that the lovely Amy Poehler talks about is how she first fell in love with Improv. Now, just in general reading about Ms. Poehler’s life really makes me reflect upon my own and the very little chances that I have taken. I started thinking about how I treat my everyday life as the opposite of the way she describes Improv. I have to have things planned ages in advance, I hesitate way too much, and I’m afraid of letting loose. Later that same day I went to Zumba class with my mom. While trying to keep up with all the cumbia, salsa, and hip hop moves, I started thinking even more about all the ways that I am holding back in life. Other than giving me an awesome workout, Zumba has also made me question just how much I am actually living. Here are 5 things that Zumba has reminded me to do...

1. Don’t be afraid to take up space

When I first enter the Zumba room, I feel like I have to stand somewhere in the back taking up as little space as possible. Arms tucked in, legs close together, maybe a little bit hunched.Someone that is trying to roll themselves up into the tiniest ball possible. A little roly poly afraid to let their existence be known. I find that a lot of the times when I am in a group setting I feel hesitant to open up. Not opening up can really hurt the potential connections you make with people. It sucks because people rarely get to see the real me and then all that held back energy turns into this big ball that later explodes when I'm alone again. While most of this stuff is messing with us internally, it shows on the outside. Our body language can reveal all. But seriously, opening up from that tight and repressed position is so much more liberating and rewarding in the end. You are allowed to make exaggerated gestures and be demonstrative and expressive. Don't apologize for liveliness or excitement. Claim your space and revel in it. 

2. Don’t concern yourself with what everyone else is doing

My initial response in this new setting is to always look around me to see how other people are doing something that I'm unsure of how to do. Watching how someone else moves their hips during a certain step or where they put their hands during a salsa move has saved me from looking like an oversized baby who is barely learning how to walk. Watching other people can teach us a lot about what we could be doing, but there may come a point where looking at others is only making us more insecure about the way we are doing something. Everyone is going to work at their own pace and with their own style and flavor, so don't compare your choices in life to anyone else's. I am always comparing my path to others' and pointing out how some people are basically being better versions of myself and walking on all these routes toward success that I haven't even found yet. But this gets you nowhere. Doing something differently and at your own pace does not mean you are doing it wrong. 

3. Just act like you know what you're doing

If there is anything that I have learned from Zumba other that the fact that I am uncoordinated it's that you can’t let embarrassment hold you back. And guys I am not even exaggerating when I say that one of the moves we did had me looking like Napoleon, only a thousand times dorkier. 

But there is literally no point in getting worked up about how ‘silly’ you feel or look. In life, there are so many things that I have no idea if I'm doing right. Even when I have no idea what I'm doing (which is most of the time), it really helps when I pretend that I do. Confidence is key in anything you pursue. It's so important to believe in your own cause and to believe in your own abilities. I am constantly reminding myself to not freak out when I get lost. Freaking out and panicking only leads to overthinking things and second-guessing. Don't give yourself time to think about it, just jump straight into it and...Fake it till you make it? I guess that's what that phrase actually means. 

Get out there and "make the moves up as [you] go."

4. Give it all you got

Zumba will not be a workout if you don't let it be. You can go through the motions with the least possible energy and get nothing out of it. I usually do this when I'm feeling discouraged. I get into a 'what's the point' mood and let apathy take over my entire being. Once apathy gains control of my body, I become dismissive and completely complacent. I beat around the bush and hope that somewhere through all the stalling, the universe will grant me an opportunity or enlighten me with an answer. Sometimes this works, but most of the time it just means I’m being lazy and afraid. It's easy to become disconnected and disengaged, but Zumba has reminded me that it's not cool to be careless, and it rarely gets you anywhere.

5. Laugh at yourself

Half of the Zumba session is me trying to do a move right and failing miserably. Most of the time I find myself giggling at how silly and lost I look in the big mirror. If the group is taking two steps to the right, you can count on me to be taking two steps to the left. One of the things I find fun is to pretend that my mistakes and improvisations are all part of a comedy routine I am doing. I pretend that I have a secret audience watching me put on a silly show. As for real life, humor is one of the things that has kept me sane. If it weren't for my ability to laugh at myself and make fun of, I would be 100% S-A-D 24/forever. Even if in the end you make a fool of yourself, remind yourself that you're still amazing.

☻
Kristal

Hiding Gay in the Media Closet

Being gay has never been the ideal identity in mainstream U.S. culture. Casted as the best friend, the vague partnered neighbors, or the bullied outcast, society makes its peace with the otherness of same sex desires by leaving us in the background of the heterosexual kisses in the rain. How can a heteronormative culture come to terms with same sex partners when love has become the dialogue of a man and woman? 

As a gay woman, my own sexual identity was a mystery to me until high school. Unaware of stigmas or acceptance, I faced my own desires with fear and insecurity. I panicked when I crushed on boys and caught myself noticing their girlfriends as anything but rivals. Staring off into the distance, I noticed cheerleader skirts and freckled faces more than quarterback smiles and cologne. The awareness of otherness only heightened in middle school as girls paired off with boys and spoke of kisses and sex. I was falling behind on the quiet norm of heterosexuality and any sexuality at all. I wasn’t attracted to any boy and fell victim to a loneliness I attributed to my overambitious school schedule. Locker rooms began to be an open space of change that I couldn’t face at all. Eyes on the ground, I locked myself in stalls and ran out as soon as I changed. 

In more than one way middle school changed me and threw me further back in my journey to sexual awareness. I desperately changed my appearance: curled eyelashes, shorter skirts, eyeliner, and fake boyfriends. I wanted nothing more than to understand and fit in. I wanted the boyfriend that would awaken the butterflies and light me up inside out. The numbness worried my mother. Questions began to vaguely hint at whether I was attracted to men and why I couldn’t seem to find interest in a boy. One song changed my life that lonely eighth grade year: Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl. 

Life is a complicated mess for everyone and anyone. In a group of friends where the last thing I wanted to do was start a conversation over lunch about whether they also noticed the other girls and not the boys, I wondered at how much longer I would’ve lasted to come out if I hadn’t taken the plunge in high school. 

So what the hell do we do as a society when I only had one song to wake me while everyone else seemed to have hundreds of years of love ballads to daydream about? I began to realize how lost I had been my entire life, how much social stigma had plunged me into a state of ignorance about something as innate as my own sexuality! I wondered why something as clear as the color of my hair now had been such an obscured mystery? Who hid it from me?

Now on a mission from who knows where, I am on the hunt for music, film, and art I can understand. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to turn on the radio and hear a genuine song about love between two people of the same sex at least 6 times in the same hour. Maybe girls kissing on screen or on the tv will stop being masturbatory material for men one day. Maybe people will stop commenting on how I don’t look like a lesbian.

I can only hope for the LGBTQA kids sitting next to their parents in the family wagon. 

- Clara

Clara Acosta is a 19 year old on her way to a Froot state of mind. Grumpy most of the time, she's the sarcastic Debbie Downer of any group with an overtly sensitive set of feelings. Cradling Marina Diamandis and Florence Welch as the icons to worship, she's the friend well on her way to an existential crisis every Wednesday night.

Playlist: Girl Power in the '90s

Ever since I've been using it, the internet has been very good in inducing nostalgia. As a child of the 1990s, I constantly see posts praising the wonderful shows, music, technology, etc. of my youth. It's wonderful seeing posts like those because I would have never realized the powerful influence these objects would carry throughout my life.

Obviously, I've changed a lot from who I was as a kid. Now, I'm more into girl power and music. Therefore, I decided to compile a playlist of how those attributes evolved in the 1990s. I might have been digging these tunes as a toddler or I might have burly uncovered them as an almost-adult. However it might be, I still enjoy listening to these women with powerful voices in these classic tunes.

You can listen to it on Spotify.

<3

- Vianey 

P.S. Try to figure out which tunes I listened to as a kid. (Hint: I was a little Mexican girl.)

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleid-Eh-Scope.

Vianey: Fav Movies

Last year, when I got the Listography book, I reflected on my favorite movies and noticed a common theme. I really love quirky romantic comedies with cool soundtracks. And, since the semester is almost over (BTW Good luck with finals! You’ll do great! I believe in you!), I wanted to share my favorite movies with you. Here are twenty of my favorites that totally hold up after watching them more than twenty times. They are in chronological order.

The Graduate (1967)

It's presence on Netflix is constantly fluctuating. Make sure to check if it's there.

The Breakfast Club (1985)

Pretty in Pink (1986)

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

It's definitely on Netflix.

Anastasia (1997)

Totally on Netflix.

The Virgin Suicides (1999)

It's definitely on Netflix.

An Extremely Goofy Movie (1999)

Totally on Netflix.

Ratatouille (2007)

The Princess and the Frog (2009)

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

The Muppets (2011) 

Submarine (2011)

It's definitely on Netflix.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

Her (2013)

This Is The End (2013)

The Spectacular Now (2013)

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

Boyhood (2014)

Birdman (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

Feel free to ask me why these movies became my favorite. And, I want to know what your favorite movies are! I need to get new faves.

Good luck with finals

- Vianey 

Bonus: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

(Reason why it's not there: Because I forgot. Sorry this movie is perfect!)

Vianey is a nineteen year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now-and-then on Fridays on Kaleid-Eh-Scope.