An Honest Analysis on Being A Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Foolishness, and Shielding Oneself

First things first, I am not your little plaything. I am not your manic pixie dream girl. So, when you reduce me to compliments such as “babes”, “quirky”, or “hermosa” you are denying my personhood. You are making me into a toy that you can manipulate whenever you see fit. You are placing unrealistic expectations that are far removed from my actual self. You are twisting me into something that is not me. I am not a single-synonym individual. There is more to me than just your synonym. I am a multi-faceted boss bitch that does not need you (or someone like you) to survive. I do not exist for you or your aesthetic. I solely exist for me.

This might sound harsh but I am beyond exhausted of only placing value on myself based upon the crappy perspective of someone else. You might lift me up and make me feel important, and I would like to believe in everything you say you believe in; but at what cost? Why do you only compliment me when it is convenient for you?

For that reason, I have decided that I do not wish to be important for you unless I decide to make myself an important person to you. Only after you have gone through this filter, are you allowed to prioritize me however it seems fair. Until then, I thank you for your kind words that feed my ego. Please prove yourself to be as kind as your words. But, maybe this time be more honest with me.

On the topic of honesty, let me be candid. The aforementioned paragraphs that attempt to depict me as a boss bitch will not totally protect me from acting like a fool. I am a fool. This does not change. Foolish women (or men) accept admiration and love of any kind because flattery will always satisfy our narcissistic souls.

Being desired and being loved is something that everyone regardless of venue aspires to have. One can meet this human desire through friendships or romance. Both sorts are hard to maintain. Relationships require effort, dedication, loyalty, genuineness, on each side of the equation in order for the partnership to be healthy. This is no secret. Although, a man (or woman) is only as good as their word, in my experience, people would rather fake trying than exerting effort. (Myself included.) So, when things inevitably do not work out, we become emotionally detached monsters that only give a damn because we are trying to win. Which is the strangest and most psychotic war we play with ourselves and those that have wronged us.

Any and every falling out that I have ever obsessed over, only caused that reaction because the other person had some kind of upper hand on me. I do not wish to be the weakest link. Being the vulnerable one has never pleased me. I would rather burn the bridge than let you know that you broke through my tough exterior. Which is dumb. Fighting fire with fire only causes a greater damage. No one wins with fighting. Actually, winning is such a stupid concept. The only way to win is to not play. But, not playing means that you do not care about winning. For that reason, winning gets no satisfaction or validation.

Shields protect us from showing our vulnerable side. We create shields to keep out the creeps. However, that does not mean that creeps will not slip in through our blind spots. Creeps (AKA poisonous people) are part of life. We ought to not act foolishly around them. Though that is not realistic. 

Shielding ourselves prevents us from trying while simultaneously protecting us from getting hurt. Releasing or putting our shields up is such a gamble. I am continuously learning how to filter my shields when it comes to my relationships.

I am not very good at shielding myself to friendship. Although I have wonderful and kind-hearted friends now, I did not at one point. I sometimes overlook genuine friendships while accepting inauthentic admiration.

I am very good at shielding myself to romance. Even though, that sounds nice, I am no one’s “babe”. As of now, no man has been proven themselves worthy of seeing my shields completely down in this aspect.

I do not know whether or not it is good to have my shields up or down. The filter varies on the individual. I will make mistakes. I might not. But, so far, these are the observations I have made throughout my youth. 

Also, please check out the themed playlist I made about these topics. The songs featured in this playlist are the songs I listen to in recent months and are very important to me when it comes to encapsulating how I have been feeling. 

<3

- Vianey

Vianey is a twenty year old self-identified ranter who can be easily wooed by funny three-dimensional TV characters. When she is not watching sitcoms, bugging her pets, or dancing sporadically she posts every now and then on Kaleidehscope.